Usual routine in the evening when drinking…
After procrastinating a lot of work during the day because I am foggy or unclear or unmotivated (because I am hungover and drained of energy from the alcohol I drank the night before), a thought creeps in my head: “Well crap, I still have work I SHOULD get done, maybe a drink will motivate me. This will be a lot better with a drink. A couple drinks will help me get this work done.”
A COUPLE DRINKS NEVER HELPED ME GET WORK DONE.
What would happen was:
getting a buzz, getting drunk, saying fuck my work, watching TV, or calling someone to hang out. Even just watching TV seemed way more preferable to the work I already felt guilty about not doing during the day.
Here’s the thing. Now that I’m sober, I’ve learned my brain just doesn’t work in the evenings for the kind of work that I need to do. And that’s ok. I give myself a break. I get some work done during the day now that I have a clear and sober mind. If any is left at night, I mindfully leave it for the morning, knowing that my brain deserves a break. Evening time is now for reading and writing or drawing or playing music (and not getting drunk!).
This routine is so much better than the cycle of guilt I was in! Drinking every day was always like reading the same story:
Not getting any work done during the day cause I felt like crap and foggy. Procrastinate all day while feeling guilty. Saying I’ll do work at night when I feel better. Having a couple drinks at night to motivate myself during a time when my brain is not very high functioning anyways. Not doing the work. Waking up at 3am feeling guilty for not accomplishing anything. Getting terrible sleep. Wake up feeling like crap. Rinse, repeat.
That is no way to live!
This is not to say that now I’m sober I get every thing I want to do, every day. Sometimes I choose to do other things but I don’t have to feel guilty about it. It’s my choice, it’s not because I drank myself foggy and my brain is hardly functioning and just don’t have the energy for the work.
Alcohol is an energy suck. I always knew that but didn’t see it clearly.
So now my nights are reserved for the self-care I need. I don’t feel guilty about how the day went. I feel proud no matter what. I understand my needs better and know that, for me, that is the time for relaxing and winding down. What a much better story to be in!
